My meditations today are based on Spinoza’s Ethics, Part Iv, prop 18, sch. “Since reason demands nothing contrary to nature, it therefore demands that every man should love himself, should seek his own advantage (I mean his real advantage) should aim at whatever really leads a man towards greater perfection and to sum it all up, that each man as far as in him lies, should endeavor to preserve his own being. This is as necessarily true as that the whole is greater than its part.”
My meditation is, ‘You can’t love God if you don’t like yourself. Why?
1) Because God has generated (made) me and given me work that only I can do.
2) Because I think God and if I don’t like myself, i.e. think adequately, my contribution to the description of God is distorted and lost.
3) By not liking myself I blaspheme God i.e. saying God’s works are not perfect and not made to fit the plan for which I was made.
4) I f I don’t like myself, I cannot share in the joy that is the Whole of God and find freedom from the things that cause a sickness unto death and the fear of death itself.
5) Because not liking myself is unnatural and God is the logic of nature (i.e. makes sense of it). Therefore I can’t make sense of why I exist.
I have realized that I have had problems with the idea of God because I didn’t like myself.